Outside In: Exploring Childcare in Denmark

With børnehave and vuggestue, there’s definitely a learning curve with the cultural stuff, such as figuring out what’s expected of the parents. It’s easier with the second child, of course. Overall I think we’ve been really lucky. We’re super psyched about the European school!

A neighbor on our street has older kids and told us that she tried other daycares in the neighborhood, and she was unhappy with them until she started using the vuggestue on our street. So I think we just got lucky that the daycare that was closest to us happened to be best one in the neighborhood!

I’m very content with the daycare. Like every other parent, I wish that there would be more adults; I often see one adult alone with a bunch of kids. Besides that, I really think that they try to do nice things with the kids and try to engage them in social activities. I’m very, very pleased with the the adults in the daycare.

With børnehave and vuggestue, there’s definitely a learning curve with the cultural stuff, such as figuring out what’s expected of the parents. It’s easier with the second child, of course. Overall I think we’ve been really lucky. We’re super psyched about the European school!

A neighbor on our street has older kids and told us that she tried other daycares in the neighborhood, and she was unhappy with them until she started using the vuggestue on our street. So I think we just got lucky that the daycare that was closest to us happened to be best one in the neighborhood!

I’m very content with the daycare. Like every other parent, I wish that there would be more adults; I often see one adult alone with a bunch of kids. Besides that, I really think that they try to do nice things with the kids and try to engage them in social activities. I’m very, very pleased with the adults in the daycare.

I definitely noticed a difference between Rainey and her cousin in the US.

They’re almost exactly the same age, and so when they were both around two or three years old, I could really see a difference between what Rainey was capable of and what her cousin was capable of. Things like sitting at the table table and drinking from a cup, being still and listening to a story. The socialisation stuff that they do in Denmark is pretty amazing.

The pedagogues will kind of push you to continue at home with what they’re doing in the classroom. They’ll say, for example, your child doesn’t need to have a highchair with restraints, she needs to get in and out by herself. They expect a lot from the kids, but the kids really can do it.

To me, two things characterize childcare in Denmark: democracy and equal rights for everybody. In regards to democracy. I mean that that every childcare has a board of directors where the parents also are represented. Parents can establish a parenting board as well. This gives all parents an opportunity to have a say when it comes to what goes on in the daycare. Children are also taught to act and think democratically. From their time in daycare, they learn to share, to listen to each other, and to compromise.

When it comes to equal rights for everybody, I believe that our childcare system it fantastic because it is build upon the idea that everyone deserves access to childcare. The taxes are more or less the same everywhere in the country, and therefore we do not have a scale of quality with daycares.

I definitely noticed a difference between Rainey and her cousin in the US.

They’re almost exactly the same age, and so when they were both around two or three years old, I could really see a difference between what Rainey was capable of and what her cousin was capable of. Things like sitting at the table and drinking from a cup, being still, and listening to a story. The socialization stuff that they do in Denmark is pretty amazing.

The pedagogues will kind of push you to continue at home with what they’re doing in the classroom. They’ll say, for example, your child doesn’t need to have a high chair with restraints, she needs to get in and out by herself. They expect a lot from the kids, but the kids really can do it.

To me, two things characterize childcare in Denmark: democracy and equal rights for everybody. In regards to democracy. I mean that every childcare has a board of directors where the parents also are represented. Parents can establish a parenting board as well. This gives all parents an opportunity to have a say when it comes to what goes on in the daycare. Children are also taught to act and think democratically. From their time in daycare, they learn to share, to listen to each other, and to compromise.

When it comes to equal rights for everybody, I believe that our childcare system is fantastic because it is built upon the idea that everyone deserves access to childcare. The taxes are more or less the same everywhere in the country, and therefore we do not have a scale of quality with daycares.

We also have daytime rehearsals and sometimes need to be practising at home. We have two or three babysitters around that we can rely on. It’s challenging because we don’t have family here.

So sometimes we have to ask a neighbour if they can pick up the kids, or something like that, but we try to just using the babysitters.

I think that the entire system is put together that way so that parents can work.

We also have daytime rehearsals and sometimes need to be practising at home. We have two or three babysitters around that we can rely on. It’s challenging because we don’t have family here.

So sometimes we have to ask a neighbour if they can pick up the kids, or something like that, but we try to just use the babysitters.

I think that the entire system is put together that way so that parents can work.

When you’re with them 24/7 [during the pandemic], it’s so exhausting. I feel like I’m not giving enough to them. With the institutions here they do really great activities; they go on walks to the beach and do creative things. Plus all of the basic educational stuff. I really trust what they’re doing there.

As far as Denmark goes, childcare might be one of the best things about being here. It’s great; they’ve invested a lot in it.

I have a lot of friends in the United States who are also musicians, and in the US, childcare is so prohibitively expensive. You don’t go to work unless you’re making a lot of money.

A lot of my girlfriends have chosen not to work, or at least not to have traditional jobs, because it’s not worth it to pay for the childcare and then not make any additional money on top of that.

I don’t know if it’s an intended result in Denmark, but I think the childcare system encourages primary caregivers to re-enter the workplace after they have kids, so that’s probably good for the economy too.

My children are only in daycare when I’m at work. I don’t do any personal stuff during that time. I guess I could try go to the gym or something during that time, but I don’t. I feel guilty if my kids are in daycare and I do something for myself, you know?

I do run two to three times a week, and that is my free-space! Aside from that, that I have a lot of great friends with whom I spend time, mostly during the weekends after the kids are in bed.

When you’re with them 24/7 [during the pandemic], it’s so exhausting. I feel like I’m not giving enough to them. With the institutions here they do really great activities; they go on walks to the beach and do creative things. Plus all of the basic educational stuff. I really trust what they’re doing there.

As far as Denmark goes, childcare might be one of the best things about being here. It’s great; they’ve invested a lot in it.

I have a lot of friends in the United States who are also musicians, and in the US, childcare is so prohibitively expensive. You don’t go to work unless you’re making a lot of money.

A lot of my girlfriends have chosen not to work, or at least not to have traditional jobs, because it’s not worth it to pay for the childcare and then not make any additional money on top of that.

I don’t know if it’s an intended result in Denmark, but I think the childcare system encourages primary caregivers to re-enter the workplace after they have kids, so that’s probably good for the economy too.

My children are only in daycare when I’m at work. I don’t do any personal stuff during that time. I guess I could try go to the gym or something during that time, but I don’t. I feel guilty if my kids are in daycare and I do something for myself, you know?

I do run two to three times a week, and that is my free-space! Aside from that, that I have a lot of great friends with whom I spend time, mostly during the weekends after the kids are in bed.

When we put her into European School, she went into the Danish class, because she’s most comfortable around Danish kids and speaking Danish.

Overall I think the childcare has been good for her development socially. The kids get outside, they get fresh air. I know they’re doing that every day, which I appreciate. They keep the kids like pretty well-rounded.

We’re also in a situation where we’re pretty fortunate with our kids. They don’t have any big developmental challenges, so in a lot of ways they’re just kind of cruising along and we just have to replicate the routine they get at daycare when they’re at home.

There are some negatives. If five children are fighting over the same toy, it makes [my daughter] aware that if she wants it, she has to be very quick and get it before the other kids. In some ways, it teaches her to think of herself before others. I don’t think the kids are taught to take care of each other, and it’s very important for kids to think about others before they think of themselves.

When I ask [my daughter], what did you do today? She says, I played with X and Y but we got into a fight because I wanted to be Elsa today and the other kids also wanted to be Elsa. Then we try to talk to her about it.

Overall, I’m not that fond of the way that the daycare system teaches social skills. I think it would be different if there were more adults, because then the adults could guide the children better. Kids don’t only need guidance when something goes wrong, they also need encouragement when they are playing well.

I do think that kids gain a sense of independence from being at daycare. For kids who aren’t native speakers, they will gain a vocabulary, and exposure to two cultures; their parents’ and Danish culture. I think it’s very good for foreigners to have their kids in the daycare system.

When we put her into European School, she went into the Danish class, because she’s most comfortable around Danish kids and speaking Danish.

Overall I think the childcare has been good for her development socially. The kids get outside, they get fresh air. I know they’re doing that every day, which I appreciate. They keep the kids like pretty well-rounded.

We’re also in a situation where we’re pretty fortunate with our kids. They don’t have any big developmental challenges, so in a lot of ways they’re just kind of cruising along and we just have to replicate the routine they get at daycare when they’re at home.

There are some negatives. If five children are fighting over the same toy, it makes [my daughter] aware that if she wants it, she has to be very quick and get it before the other kids. In some ways, it teaches her to think of herself before others. I don’t think the kids are taught to take care of each other, and it’s very important for kids to think about others before they think of themselves.

When I ask [my daughter], what did you do today? She says, I played with X and Y but we got into a fight because I wanted to be Elsa today and the other kids also wanted to be Elsa. Then we try to talk to her about it.

Overall, I’m not that fond of the way that the daycare system teaches social skills. I think it would be different if there were more adults because then the adults could guide the children better. Kids don’t only need guidance when something goes wrong, they also need encouragement when they are playing well.

I do think that kids gain a sense of independence from being at daycare. For kids who aren’t native speakers, they will gain a vocabulary, and exposure to two cultures; their parents’ and Danish culture. I think it’s very good for foreigners to have their kids in the daycare system.

We had a situation where the teachers were complaining because our daughter didn’t want to take her food out of her lunchbox. All the kids were supposed to take it out and put it on the plate and then eat off the plate, but Rainey was just eating it straight out of the lunchbox.

Everyone is supposed to do it the same way, and that’s a cultural thing here. There’s this emphasis that everyone should do things the same way all the time.

And I think that for an American, there’s more of a focus on individuality.

I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything else. There are so many positives. And I know that rules are routine are good for kids. So maybe I don’t agree with every single rule and routine that they have, but that’s okay.

All the adults working at the daycare are very kind, but when it comes to really developing our children and giving them the right tools, you need to be educated on that topic. So I would prefer there to be more adults educated in [child development].

We had a situation where the teachers were complaining because our daughter didn’t want to take her food out of her lunchbox. All the kids were supposed to take it out and put it on the plate and then eat off the plate, but Rainey was just eating it straight out of the lunchbox.

Everyone is supposed to do it the same way, and that’s a cultural thing here. There’s this emphasis that everyone should do things the same way all the time.

And I think that for an American, there’s more of a focus on individuality.

I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything else. There are so many positives. And I know that rules are routine are good for kids. So maybe I don’t agree with every single rule and routine that they have, but that’s okay.

All the adults working at the daycare are very kind, but when it comes to really developing our children and giving them the right tools, you need to be educated on that topic. So I would prefer there to be more adults educated in [child development].

It seems that in Sweden, if you’re not working, you’re supposed to keep your kids home. I don’t think that is a rule in Denmark. I ended up having a conversation with one of Rainey’s teachers about it because I needed to understand the expectation. As with any culture, there are a lot of unwritten rules Denmark.

In the USA, so much depends on the quality of the daycare, and it’s just much more uneven as far as the quality of care that you get. The nice thing in Denmark is that, while of course there are differences from place to place, there is a level of consistency here.

I’m glad that we’re not trying to navigate childcare in the US. I understand why so many of my girlfriends there keep their kids home until they go to school.

But that’s unique for Denmark, and maybe all of the Scandinavian countries. We put our children outside no matter what the weather is. I know other people think it’s really weird that we put our babies to sleep in strollers outside.

I also have a friend in Great Britain who stayed home with her child; that seems more normal there. When her son turned two, he was still at home with her.

Then she moved to Denmark when he was three or four and then we told her, well, you have to put him in daycare! She waited a year and then put him in daycare. So there was definitely a cultural difference there about how important daycare is.

It seems that in Sweden, if you’re not working, you’re supposed to keep your kids home. I don’t think that is a rule in Denmark. I ended up having a conversation with one of Rainey’s teachers about it because I needed to understand the expectation. As with any culture, there are a lot of unwritten rules Denmark.

In the USA, so much depends on the quality of the daycare, and it’s just much more uneven as far as the quality of care that you get. The nice thing in Denmark is that, while of course there are differences from place to place, there is a level of consistency here.

I’m glad that we’re not trying to navigate childcare in the US. I understand why so many of my girlfriends there keep their kids home until they go to school.

But that’s unique for Denmark, and maybe all of the Scandinavian countries. We put our children outside no matter what the weather is. I know other people think it’s really weird that we put our babies to sleep in strollers outside.

I also have a friend in Great Britain who stayed home with her child; that seems more normal there. When her son turned two, he was still at home with her.

Then she moved to Denmark when he was three or four and then we told her, well, you have to put him in daycare! She waited a year and then put him in daycare. So there was definitely a cultural difference there about how important daycare is.